Loveship
by I promise you that
Summary: You've gotta love like you'll never be hurt. 100 little tales, *Fem!Harry/Sirius* - 17/100: He wonders what might have been. -
1. Nightmare

**Loveship,** a collection of Female!Harry/Sirius Black drabbles

Disclaimer: Y'all know the drill. Ms. Rowling owns E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

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**Prompt: Nightmare  
****Words: 100  
****Setting/Time: After the Second Wizarding War**

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**_i. b__ut the ghosts that we knew  
_****_ will flicker from you__..._**

Sometimes he looks lonely. Sometimes his eyes burn with memories. Sometimes he wakes up panting and sweating and breathless, and sometimes she looks at him with fear in her eyes because he turns into the former Azkaban prisoner that he used to be and she doesn't recognize him anymore.

Sometimes she goes to Hogwarts and sits in front of the memorial of the dead soldiers of the Second Wizarding War and _sits and sits_ there until someone takes her away. Sometimes she sees red eyes lurking in the shadows. Sometimes her nightmares choke her and it becomes hard to breathe.

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**AN: Let's do some introduction, shall we? **

**Loveship is a collection of 100 short drabbles written for ErynPotter's "100 stories under 100 words" challenge over at HPFC. The pairing is indeed a Fem!Harry/Sirius, the very same F!Harry from my other fics. **

**Thanks to ErynPotter for the lovely prompts and thanks to the brilliantamazingIlovehersomu ch mew-tsubaki for beta'ing the drabbles! **

**Credit goes to Mumford and Sons' _"Ghosts That We Knew" _for the drabble title. **

**I'm having a blast writing these drabbles. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as well. **

** - Liz **


	2. Lies

**Loveship,** a collection of Female!Harry/Sirius Black drabbles

Disclaimer: Y'all know the drill. Ms. Rowling owns E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

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**Prompt: Lies  
****Words: 87  
****Setting/time: Sometime during the Second Wizarding War, when the trio was hunting down the Horcruxes.**

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_**ii. I told her I'd wait forever for her...** _

It was funny how good Sirius was at lying to himself. _I hate her, I hate her._ She wasn't worth his time. She'd left him. He was tired of waiting. He _fucking_ hated her for running away.

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Six months. She was never coming back.

_That's it. _No more waiting. He was going to get over her, one way or the other.

(It was funny how good Sirius Black was at lying to himself, because the truth was, he would wait forever for her if he had to.)

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**Credit goes to Jarod Kintz for the title. **


	3. Detention

**Loveship,** a collection of Female!Harry/Sirius Black drabbles

Disclaimer: Y'all know the drill. Ms. Rowling owns E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

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**Prompt: Detention  
****Words: 97  
****Setting/time: 6th year**

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_**iii. Of detentions, pricks, and pointless little things**_

"Detention, huh? What'd you do?"

"I think I pissed off Snape."

"And I think there should be an 'again' after that sentence."

"Yes. _Again._ It's not that I want to. It's not my fault he's so - _so_..."

"Sensitive? An asshole? A prick? Has serious hygiene issues?"

"Urgh. _Yes. _But just because I agree with you does _not _mean that I approve of you and Dad bullying him -"

"Oh, come on! That was years ago! I was young!"

"_And stupid."_

_"Hey! _Did I just hear you call me stupid?"

"I dare you to argue otherwise."

"Oh, it's on."

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**I've been wanting to write an all-dialogue story for a while now, and this is the result. It's _ridiculously_ fun. **

**Also, thanks for the lovely reviews and the favs and alerts!**


	4. Lullaby

**Loveship,** a collection of Female!Harry/Sirius Black drabbles

Disclaimer: Y'all know the drill. Ms. Rowling owns E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

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**Prompt: Lullaby  
****Words: 100  
****Setting/Time: Next generation**

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_**iv. A lil' thing called pride**_

"All right, what does the princess want to read today?"

"I don't wanna read today, Daddy. I know! Sing for me!"

"Sing? _Sing?_"

"Oh, you're singing today?" Bella was leaning against the door, eyebrows raised in amusement. "Let's hear it, then."

Sirius scowled at his wife. "I'm not singing anything."

"You're not afraid to sing and embarrass yourself, are you?"

Their daughter piped up. "You don't have to sing if you're scared, Daddy."

Which is how Sirius Black found himself singing a lullaby to his daughter that night, while his wife winked at her daughter behind his back. _Mission accomplished._


	5. Secret

**Loveship,** a collection of Female!Harry/Sirius Black drabbles

Disclaimer: Y'all know the drill. Ms. Rowling owns E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

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**Prompt: Secret  
****Words: 97  
Setting/time: Sometime during the trio's 6th year, probably**

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**v. the kind of secret you want to keep in **

Everything about them was hush-hush and stolen kisses and secret touches and late-night rendezvous and smiles with hidden meanings and winks with less-than-innocent intentions, and it was dangerous and it was something no one but the two of them knew about, and _she loved it._

He was the exact opposite. He loved showing off. He wanted to hold her without worrying someone would see them. He wanted everyone to know that she was _his. _

But being with her secretly was better than not being with her at all, and so he was okay for now.

_But soon..._


	6. Stop

**Loveship,** a collection of Female!Harry/Sirius Black drabbles

Disclaimer: Y'all know the drill. Ms. Rowling owns E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

* * *

**Prompt: Stop  
****Words: 97  
****Setting/time: Next gen**

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**vi. once upon a time, war tore things apart **

"Tell me your and Mommy's story, Daddy."

"Anything for you, princess. Your mom and I met..."

"_Stop, stop, stop_! You're suppose to start with 'Once upon a time!'"

Sirius' smile fades a bit because, really, their love story was far from a fairytale. But how could he possibly tell that to his daughter?

And so, clearing his throat and his mind of memories of scars and wars, he pretends, just for a little while, that once upon a time, she was a princess and he her prince, who lived happily ever after.

_"Once upon a time..."_


	7. Fire

**Loveship,** a collection of Female!Harry/Sirius Black drabbles

Disclaimer: Y'all know the drill. Ms. Rowling owns E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

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**Prompt: Fire  
****Words: 99**

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___**vii. Putting out fire (with gasoline)**_

She kisses him hard and fast, her hands going from roaming his chest to trying to unbuckle his belt, eyes fiery, and he just about snaps and takes her right there and then, but then he has to remind himself that one of them has to be in control and that it has to be him.

"But I want this," she insists, frustrated and angry and confused, pushed to the point that she doesn't even care that she sounds desperate anymore.

But all he can do is push her away gently and kiss her forehead and whisper, _"____Not now."_


	8. Wild

**Loveship,** a collection of Female!Harry/Sirius Black drabbles

Disclaimer: Y'all know the drill. Ms. Rowling owns E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

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**Prompt: Wild (Part 2 of _Fire_)  
****Words: 98**

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**_viii. and that's what it takes to be a hero_**

But _fuck_ it was so hard when she was acting that way, so wild and unrestrained and not in control of herself, so very much in his power, so willing to let him do whatever he did to her, but _no_, he wasn't going to carelessly screw her just because they wanted to, because she was worth so much more than that, because he was hell-bent on doing the right thing this time around, because all her life she's had innocence taken away from her in a flash, and he refuses to let that happen to her again.


	9. Glasses

**Loveship,** a collection of Female!Harry/Sirius Black drabbles

Disclaimer: Y'all know the drill. Ms. Rowling owns E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

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**Prompt: Glasses  
****Words: 100****  
**

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_**ix. and bump!**_

They fumble in the dark room, all hush-hush and quiet groans and moans, hands burning hot against each other's body, the fireplace crackling and blazing with a fire that seems to be alight inside them, full of _"I want you"s_ and _"I love you"s_ that they never confessed through words. And then Sirius leans in to kiss her, only for her glasses to bump unexpectedly against his face. Bella leans back a bit in surprise, laughing awkwardly, breathless and flushed, whispering an amused "sorry" as he rubs his forehead and jokingly mumbles, "Oh Merlin, you and your blindness."


	10. Lip gloss

**Loveship**, a collection of Female!Harry/Sirius Black drabbles

Disclaimer: Y'all know the drill. Ms. Rowling owns E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

* * *

**Prompt: Lip gloss  
****Words: 100**

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_**x. lips that taste like memories**_

When he was younger, he was accustomed to the different tastes of lip glosses. They were on every girl's lips; some tasted like strawberries, some like cherries, grapes, vanilla, chocolate. It used to be likes her lip gloss-less lips fine. In fact, there was actually something more appealing about the taste of her lips than of any lip gloss flavors that he had ever tasted. But lip glosses were still sexy. And the day she wears some, he feels as if he's sixteen and free again and he kisses her harder and mutters, "I like your lip gloss."

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**I remember drinking too much tea while writing this. Tea makes me do extraordinarily bizarre things, and this is the written proof of that, ladybugs and germs. **

**Anyways. Lotslotslots of love for _DazzledByCullens, merdarkandtwisty, Alarice Tey, Senchi Codo_ and _Carly Carnations _for their sweeter-than-chocolate-flavored-lip-gloss reviews! **


	11. Walls

**Loveship**, a collection of Female!Harry/Sirius Black drabbles

Lots and lots of thanks to my beta **mew-tsubaki** for being such a fabulous person and a brilliant editor.

For **merdarkandtwisty **for her insanely fast and very sweet reviews!

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**Prompt: Walls  
****Words: 100  
****Time/Setting: Dumbledore's funeral**

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_** xi. You flewflewflew away (didn't you?)**_

Things started going downhill from the moment the funeral started. People were staring at empty air as if they could see hope _flickerflitterflutter_ away, and the cries of anguish clawed at him in a way it hadn't in years. But what hurt the most was the walls that were going _upallaround_ around her, shutting everything out, shutting him out, shutting out everything they ever had (love, they'd called it), but that's ridiculous because didn't love prevail over stupid walls that didn't even exist?

Apparently not. But Sirius kisses her anyway and pretends not to notice that her lips were _stonystoicstill._

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**This is more or less the equivalent of Harry and Ginny's breakup in _The Half-Blood Prince. _**


	12. Acid

**Loveship**, a collection of Female!Harry/Sirius Black drabbles

Lots and lots of thanks to my beta **mew-tsubaki** for being such a fabulous person and a brilliant editor.

For **Dazzled11, **because her enthusiastic reviews quite definitely make my day. You rock, Nina!

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**Prompt: Acid  
****Words: 100  
****Setting/time: Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place**

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_**xii. he has a poisoned heart (and she has a cure)**_

Somehow their lively conversation takes a wrong turn and there's acid in his voice and a sad defeat in his eyes as he spits out hatred for his childhood home and a family to which he never belonged.

She reaches out and grabs his hand firmly. "You will get out of here. You know that."

He snorts inwardly. How many times has he heard that one before?

(But there's something about the way she says it, as if it was the only golden truth in a world of greygrey lies that makes him believe her (just for a little while).)


	13. Train

**Loveship**, a collection of Female!Harry/Sirius Black drabbles

Lots and lots of thanks to my beta **mew-tsubaki** for being such a fabulous person and a brilliant editor!

For **Alarice Tey** for reading the drabbles even though she's not too fond of F!Harry. I love you for that, y'know. :)

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**Prompt: Train (of thought)  
Words: 100**

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_**xiii. it's a broken train, darling, and it'll kill you**_

Stupid, silly, childish, aren't you? You thought love would be nice to you for a change and it'll never hurt you or break your heart and it certainly won't break you to pieces because something has to eventually go right,_ right?_

(And maybe it would've, if it weren't for him, the man who spent twelve years with monsters and decayed memories and then came out with more scars than skin and you _knew, goddammit, _you _knew _he'd hurt you because that's all he's capable of doing anymore.)

So why'd you fall in love, then?

(Love hurts, you stupid little girl.)


	14. Drunk

**Loveship**, a collection of Female!Harry/Sirius Black drabbles

Lots and lots of thanks to my beta **mew-tsubaki** for being such a fabulous person and a brilliant editor.

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**Prompt: Drunk**  
**Words: 100**  
**Setting/time: Summer before the trio's fifth year, Number 12, Grimmauld Place**

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**xiv._ so why did you go away?_**

She comes across a drunk him for the first time, _brokenbrokenbroken_ and lost, _never yours, never yours_, her sleep-deprived mind jeers, mocking, mean, malicious.

Something inside her cracks. A hope crumbles to dust.

_Never yours.._

_He's gone..._

Grey eyes flicker up to meet hers, nothing familiar and everything unfamiliar and _it's wrong, it's wrong, it's wrong_ because this isn't the Sirius she knows, this isn't the Sirius he had promised he would be, and god _, come back, come back_.

(No, no, he'll be fine tomorrow.)

Cruel laughter. _He'll never be fine. He stopped being fine fourteen years ago. He's gone._

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**Oh, urgh, so sorry about the delay. Balancing leadership and school and trying to get straight As because I'm still feebly hoping I'll get into a UC (haha. ****_Ha._****) and learning how to code (which is ****_insanely _****time-consuming) and trying to spare some time for reading and trying to get enough sleep while figuring out how to not forget all my social skills is ridiculously hard. **

**Title is a line from Taylor Swift's ****_Last Kiss. _**


	15. Sun

**Loveship**, a collection of Female!Harry/Sirius Black drabbles

Lots and lots of thanks to my beta **mew-tsubaki** for being such a fabulous person and a brilliant editor.

* * *

**Prompt: Sun  
****Words: 100  
****Setting/time:****Hogwarts, a few hours after the Battle of Hogwarts**

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**xv. **

**_But I will hold on hope,  
_**_**and I won't let you choke  
**__**on the noose around your neck**_

He finds her sitting alone in an empty hallway, bloody, dirty, and beautiful, and sits next to her, itching to reach out but knowing that _not yet_, because ten months apart is a lot of time, and some bonds are too fragile to survive.

So he grins and bumps her on the shoulder. "Thanks for all the grey hair."

She laughs even though she was falling apart inside, and _you'll be okay, we'll be okay_, his gaze assures her, smile as warm as the first ray of sunshine after a cold winter.

"About time you had some." _We'll be okay._

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**The title comes from Mumford & Sons' ****_The Cave. _**


	16. Birthday

**Loveship**, a collection of Female!Harry/Sirius Black drabbles

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**Prompt: Birthday  
Words: 95  
Setting/time: The Burrow, Bella's (Harry's) birthday **

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**xvi.  
****_I know it's hard to remember,_****  
****_the people we used to be..._**

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"Happy birthday," Sirius said, giving her his brightest grin and trying hard not to remember her last birthday and the kiss he had given her then, because things had changed between them and now her shoulders were always tensed and her smile stiff and nothing felt the same anymore.

But she approached him. He struggled to keep still, heart beating erratically. Her eyes sparkled and her mouth ghosted over his as she spoke, and for one surreal moment she looked like the Bella she used to be before war tore her apart. _"No birthday kiss?"_

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**Wow, it's been a while! I've missed this place. I promised myself I wouldn't update 'till I finished writing at least half of ****_Loveship, _****but it's Spring Break and I just couldn't resist. Hope y'all enjoy! And do leave a review! **


	17. Stars

**Prompt: Stars ****(Part 2 of ****_Birthday_****)  
****Words: 92  
****Setting/time: Continues from last chapter.**

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**xvii. **

**'****_How wonderful to be alive,_**** he thought. ****_But why does it always hurt?'_**

_― Boris Pasternak, El doctor Zhivago_

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And then they were kissing in a way they hadn't in a long time, with fervent need and wild eyes, and then their clothes were flying across the room and everything turns into a blur of half-lidded eyes and heaving chests and hushed breaths, and then it all ends with a burst of light and they were left raw and vulnerable and with stars in their eyes.

_I love you,_ he thinks, eyes woozy and feeling _alive_ for the first time in months, and her lips curve, like she can _hear_ him.

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**Okay, as for the plot of this chapter, I'm sorry if it confused you. But the general plot of this and the last chapter is an alternate post-war ending where Bella and Sirius don't get together immediately after the war because of some reason or the other, and now it's her birthday and one thing leads to the other and boom. One-night stand. **

**Happy summer! And REVIEW! **


	18. Blank

**Prompt: Blank (Part 3 of ****_Birthday _****and ****_Stars  
_****Words: 27. Lol.  
****Setting/time: Continues from last chapter.**

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**_xviii.  
_**_"Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been."  
__- John G. Whittier_

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But of course, nothing lasts forever. When he wakes up, she's gone. He stares emptily at the blank space beside him and wonders what might have been.

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**I literally have four versions of this "chapter." Funny how long it takes to write the smallest of things, isn't it?  
****Hope everyone's doing good! The crazy LA heat has finally got to me and now I'm sick in bed, eyes attached to Youtube. This has been going on for a week now. #lizhasnolife  
****REVIEW, Y'ALL.  
(I just realized my author's note is longer than the chapter itself. Oh dear.) **


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